My family, and how to handle it

As I mentioned before, my family is big but manageable. We don't live all under the same roof as people do in Bangladesh. My daddy says that people from Bangladesh live so densely next to each other, that everyone's hands are in somebody else's pockets. But I'm straying.

The reason I'm saying that my family is easy to handle is that I see them one at a time. Or, rather, two at a time. The two I see most of are mommy and daddy. Well, not always at the same time - for example, they take turns in coming to pick me up in the morning from my bed. They think I haven't noticed, but I know all too well who is coming this particular morning. So when it's mommy, I usually wake up early and start whining to attract her attention as quickly as possible, because then she takes me to the bathroom with her for a diaper change and I can then watch her take a shower. Well, when it's daddy's turn, he also takes me to the bathroom so that in theory I could watch him take a shower too, but I couldn't care less. So I usually lie quietly until about 8:00 AM when it's daddy's turn. He says he doesn't mind.

Now, daddy doesn't know that, but I'm in love with mommy, and when I grow up, I will marry her. Of course, I like my girlfriends Johanka and Sonia, but they are not a match for mommy yet; they can't handle a conversation, can't pick me up and, most importantly, don't have beautiful breasts like mommy does. At this stage of my life, I'm a bit obssessed with breasts, but daddy says not to worry, that in time this obssession will develop into a mere healthy appreciation. He also says that if I keep my focus on boobs, we could date women together without quarreling about who dates which one; he, obviously, healthily appreciates butts. But of course, I don't want to date anyone but mommy when I grow up. Mommy is simply the best, the loveliest and the easiest to hug. So daddy should do good to realize that he is redundant as soon as possible. I don't want him to be hurt when he is old and emotionally fragile.

Now, daddy himself is cool, no doubt about it, and I can put up with him for a while. He also likes to do fun things with me, like mommy. For example, he would tickle my belly with his hair until I cry with tears. He also takes me for long walks, sometimes two hours long, and he walks very fast. He says it's good for both of us - it helps me sleep, and it helps him keep in shape. To tell you the truth, I don't know what shape he is talking about. Sometimes I don't understand him. But he taught me to say "tatatata" and now I repeat that all the time because I like the sound of it, and mommy smiles when I do it because it reminds her of daddy who is very far from us right now, in the country where everyone has a car and the only poem they know is one verse of their national anthem. I asked him once why he has to go there so often, and he said, to secure our future. I don't know what that means. See? Told ya.

Now, apart from mommy and daddy, sometimes I am with my grandparents. My grandmommy Bozhana and granddaddy Angel from Bulgaria visited us some time ago, and we are going to visit them in a month. They are very sweet and funny people. My grandmommy Bozhana sings me songs before I go to sleep, and she's very huggable and fluffy. Granddaddy Angel sometimes holds me like he is afraid I will break, but I know that when I grow up, he will treat me like a big boy and teach me to drink rakia and play tablanet. His daddy taught my daddy this game when my daddy was a little older than me, so apparently it's a family tradition. We, Bulgarians, are well-known for being smarter than our neighbour, and for our love for simple pleasures. Cards, drinking, football, eating and chatting in smoke-filled pubs until the early hours. I'm so excited I will be growing up!

These days, I spend much more time with my grandmommy Jana and granddaddy Jarek from Ostrava. This is a city in the East of the Czech Republic, five hours from Prague where we live right now. Granddaddy Jarek has a massive moustache, which used to scare me when I was little, but now I'm starting to appreciate it because there is always food in it. Grandmommy Jana is always smiling, and she is the best cook in the world - I eat her food "filtered", as daddy says. We go to see them often, and they have a big house where I can crawl as much as I want, with a huge garden where any of them can rock in their chairs with me whenever they like. It's really a lovely place. Sometimes, when all of us are there, mommy and daddy go out in the evenings alone, like when they were just married, and then I either cry a lot before I go to sleep, or I don't, if I decide it's not worth it, and play with the plush bear and the plush monkey. So everyone has peace.

As I said - easy to handle. They are the best, and I wouldn't exchange them even for the British Royal family. Actually - especially for the British Royal family.