Life in the US

Daddy is weird. I can't understand why he can't sit on his butt - he must travel the world constantly. His latest obssession has been to travel back and forth to some strange country somewhere on the other side of the Earth. That was fine for some time, because I was left alone with mommy without him interfering, hugging and kissing her, and all his other disgusting rituals which only I am supposed to do. But then he decided to take us with him. But it turned out to be fun. First of all, there is this thing they call an airplane, it's full of people who sit and puff and snore and massage their ugly old legs, but it's fun to crawl between them and watch daddy become red in the face when he has to apologize to the owners of the ugly old legs. Then, we lived in a small flat, much smaller than the one in Prague, and I had to indicate my claustrophobia by waking up every morning at 4 am. Mommy and daddy would take me to Starbucks to have coffee, and I would take a nap. Then they would take me to the center of the city which is full of very tall buildings and water and green and what not. They usually take me to this fountain where the water splashes in a very funny way, like when I make pee pee in my pampers, so I always laugh when I hear that, only daddy thinks it's because he's tickling me. Mommy is much more cultured, she takes me to the museum. Well, we never go inside, because she says we are not rich enough to pay for everything I would break. So we stay outsde and pose for the old ladies who stop and smile and say, oh, what a cute baby. Of course, what they really want is to have sex with me when I'm 20, but I will always only love mommy. What I really love about America is the little differences. For example, they say Big Mac instead of Le Big Mac. Also, they have these very deep swings that are super difficult to fall from if you are one of the little people. Of course, what they call the little people here are actually midgets, they have a political party and everything, but they are not little people, not really, they are just big people who pose as little people in order to attract attention. Thankfully, they never try to use those swings, so I have all them to myself, yupi!
Ah, and did I mention the tall buildings?
One thing that I must admit is that daddy picked a beautiful city. Chicago is on a lake and there are many many beautiful parks where we would go to have bbqs (this is american for roasted meat, americans like to sound like noone else, but they end up sounding so that noone else could understand them). There was a big park right next to where we lived, and this is the place mommy and daddy picked for our daily
meetings with their friends from the university (I don't understand why daddy still studies when he can do something useful instead, like buy me a new plastic car). In any case, the last time we did it, daddy invited all his closest friends and they ate and talked about stupid things and I played with the bike of one of them. They are a bizarre bunch - Bulgarians, Algerians, Greeks, even Americans. It is supposedly common, but why can't daddy pick proper French friends that would gain me access to women? But he says he does, and in fact I will meet one such woman soon. I can't wait! And this is my life in the US. If I have to summarize it - it's a place where noone looks at you strangely when you do stupid things.